


faint of heart

by fiveyaaas



Series: open your heart [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: :’), Abusive Reginald Hargreeves, Angst, Character Study, Could Be Canon, Dreams, F/M, and if you hadn’t noticed you’ll probably notice now, backdating this like y’all won’t notice that i slipped up on my writing goals this week, every event that happens in this is canon but the dreams are not canon, ish, love the energies of that tag so much lmaoooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:54:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29257035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveyaaas/pseuds/fiveyaaas
Summary: “faint of heart: lacking the courage to face something difficult or dangerous”
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: open your heart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138898
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	faint of heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luz_Floral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luz_Floral/gifts).



> I apologize for taking a second to post the next few fics, and I _also_ apologize if you’re about to get a bunch of emails when I post a bunch of fics back to back. I’m not _entirely_ sure how that works, but I am convinced that there is at least one (1) person out there who is like, “curse you fiveyaaas just post like a normal person,” and you know that’s valid af if you are that one person.

There were several seconds when she’d been certain she’d run after him, grab his hand, and ask him to take her with him. Those several seconds had seemed to last a lifetime, and she supposed they had  _ determined  _ a lifetime, one that would always be filled with mediocrity and second guessing. She’d stay up for hours at a time, wondering if she’d made a mistake in not doing so, wondering if it would have mattered anyways. He’d left her easily enough, hadn’t he? Five might have snapped at her to go back home, and the shame and rejection would be enough to propel her feet back to the mansion, to face a much stronger punishment than she’d gotten the night she’d been caught by Sir Reginald trying to set Five’s favorite sandwich on a counter.

She’d noticed the way he’d glanced at her before he’d decided to argue with Reginald more, the way that he’d seemed to consider for just an instant  _ not  _ to leave her, and she wondered years later if that moment was one he’d thought of often himself. Vanya wished that she’d had more confidence, or that he’d had a little less. With either of those options, they wouldn’t be separated now. 

And she’d wanted to go. The only reason she hadn’t was because she’d been afraid, so afraid, of what would happen if she’d followed him. If Five would even protect her before she was being punished. When Ben had helped her patch up the injuries she’d received the night their father had found out about the sandwiches, she’d bitterly thought that he wouldn’t have cared anyways that her lip was bleeding, that she was already forming a black eye, certain she wouldn’t be allowed to go outside until she was fully healed. 

From then on, when she’d set those sandwiches down, it had been about her and not him. She’d ramble to Ben during the freetimes they’d spend in the library, and he’d listen patiently, probably just the slightest bit annoyed that she’d interrupt the time he’d once spent reading. One time, he’d interrupted her ranting, telling her that Five might have been a jerk, but he wouldn’t purposefully leave them all and it be  _ for good.  _

She couldn’t help but wonder, regardless. 

Vanya knew it was probably nonsense, that Five would likely correct her if she ever suggested it, but she’d felt for just a few seconds when she’d struggled to make a choice on whether to stay or leave that time had stood still. Or maybe it was just that those seconds were longer. Perhaps it had just been Five’s powers. She’d often wanted to ask him if his own time travel would affect anybody else’s experience of time at all, the way that the air seemed to feel colder and smelled like the air on a windy day when he’d spatial jump. 

Many nights, she’d dream of a world where she’d left with him, and the resentment would fade away, replacing itself with an emptiness by the time she awoke without him. 

But when she dreamed, time stood still in the best way of all. 

“You’re late,” Five said, hands shimmering. It wasn’t his powers, though; she’d long since figured out how to tell if she was unconscious, lest the disappointment of waking up consume her entirely. “Where have you been?”

“It’s harder to get here now,” Vanya defended. “When I’m not at the house, I’m starting to forget you.”

“No, you’re not.”

She scowled at him, biting her tongue to keep from arguing with him when she knew there was no purpose to it.

“Where have you been,  _ actually?” _

“Five, I’m being serious. Ever since I’ve left the mansion, this doesn’t happen as often. I can’t control—”

He turned away, and he disappeared in shadows instead of blue light. 

She woke up, but she was already prepared to handle him not being there. 

Years passed by, quicker than any other stretches of time she’d ever experienced. At one point, she realized that she was nearly thirty years old, and then she was hearing the news of Sir Reginald Hargreeves’s death. 

Like in her dreams, Five had never aged a day at all. Unlike in her dreams, it was clear that he wasn’t actually thirteen years old. He was still an arrogant shit, but the way he held himself indicated he wasn’t lying when he told them of his age, the heaviness in his eyes that she’d seen in nobody else before. 

When he walked up to her, she didn’t have the courage to even say that she didn’t want to talk to him, not when he’d left her behind. He likely noticed, regardless. 

Because he hadn’t seemed that upset when they’d parted, she’d thought he’d probably leave her alone, which is why she was stunned to see him sitting down in front of her, staring up at her expectantly. 

She remembered how long those seconds had felt like, remembered the hesitation and fear that she’d felt, how close she’d been to running out behind him. Maybe she should ask him, what would have happened if she’d grabbed his hand that day and gone with him. Would it have been a better life? Or would she have been stuck in time, as he appeared to have been? 

But, no, that wasn’t quite right, she could tell. She really did not doubt that she was standing in front of a senior citizen at all, based on the way he was staring at her. In fact, she felt like the first night she’d gone to a bar at twenty one years old, how the workers had stared at her like they wondered if she was really old enough to be there and pointedly asked for her ID. Vanya felt like a child, staring at him, and she didn’t particularly like that feeling. 

There was this urge, to ask her where he’d been all this time. Why the fuck he hadn’t even bothered to call. Perhaps it had been Dolores, the woman he’d mentioned, that had prevented him from ever even contacting them. 

The thing was, nothing had changed at all from that moment sitting down at that table. She was not confident enough, for she hesitated to confront him, and he was confident as he spoke before she was able to even make a choice. 

“You should have locks on your windows,” he said, and she accepted that she’d have never grabbed his hand, anyways. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! I’ll be posting days 4-6 in the next hour!!!💕💕💕


End file.
